Prayer lets you stay married
Mary Anne and I were hanging out with some married friends when one of them gave a look and a carefully worded sentence to their spouse. It was subtle enough to not be awkward, but an open secret to anyone who has been married long enough to recognize the theme. It was a shot across the bow saying, “Step lightly my love, for I am on the edge of not liking you.” I smiled inwardly because it is familiar turf. Then I whispered a prayer, because it’s the only thing I know that works.
If you pray, you can stay married.
I’m not talking about abusive situations. I’m talking about the other ninety percent that just can’t get along enough to enjoy the passage of time. The other ninety percent that feel deeply dissatisfied and caught in cycle of marriage doom, where remedies feel so far away as to seem like fiction. Cycles of control, cycles of contempt, hurtful words, money troubles, sexual discontent. The kind of things that we might feel red-faced to bring to God. Yet, he invites us — “Come to me.”
Prayer lets me stay married because it changes me
Most of my angry marriage prayers started out with everything that was wrong with her! But God is patient. When enough steam is off the top, he re-routes me to embrace the beginning point of all relational health. Prayer teaches me to look at myself as the problem. It trains me to own my part. Prayer is where I settle the nuances of selfishness that have nestled into dark corners. When I come to God to figure out what is wrong with me, then and only then, am I prepared to find repair.
Does that mean my spouse has no responsibility to change? No. It means that I can’t directly affect her willingness to change. I can only surrender me. As it turns out the surrender of “me” to God is a powerful influence in the marriage for good.
Prayer lets me stay married because it defeats dark forces that are at work.
Every asking, seeking, and knocking prayer is another step on the neck of dark spiritual forces that are conspiring against my marriage. God has given us authority to trample the enemies plans but these prayers do not work very well in an atmosphere of offense and contempt. This is why I have to deal with me first. After I have bowed my ego, I am now positioned to tread upon the serpent that is poisoning the relational peace.
One caution. Don’t blame dark spiritual forces if you haven’t looked into the mirror first.
Prayer lets me stay married because it trains me to never give up.
When I am praying — anything is possible. The logic of this statement is powerful and irrefutable. With God all things are possible. For this reason, the prescription of Jesus is “always pray and never give up.”
Prayer lets me stay married by finding contentment in God.
Everybody wants happy. Of course, and why not, you were created for it. However, this desire for happiness can become a major source of contempt. As simple as it sounds, most marriage trouble comes from trying to change our spouse.
“If he were only…”
“If she would only…”
This is where prayer shows its seemingly magical powers.
God invites me to himself. He is well being without end. He is satisfaction in the deepest places. Through prayer I’m invited to find my satisfaction in the only place that it can be found – Creator God, Good Father, Wonderful Counselor, and Prince of Peace.
How many days did I leave my house thinking that I would never be ok because my marriage was broken. Then prayer. Ninety minutes later I walk back through that same door. But now, deeply satisfied, and ready to serve my wife. Why? Because I no longer need her to be anything to make me “OK”. My soul has been satisfied at the source. When God is apprehended in prayer, he brings all his gifts in tow. I am more than OK.
Forgive me if this seems oversimplified. I don’t mean to be indelicate. I have definitely had days when I prayed, and “OK” never rushed in. But when the pain is extreme enough, it seems to unlock something fundamental in me and everything begins to shift. Often the answer is just to continue forward with God. Pray again. When you do, you are one thin moment away from the breakthrough that you long for.
If your marriage is just about to break?
Here is my experience. Here is my testimony.
Prayer lets you stay married.
